complicated feeling

Any way, today suppose to have a group meeting for our kitchen portfolio which due tomolo. But, apple not showing up at last minutes.. and.. dont really know what is the point to ask Santokh t come for group meeting..coz he never contribute any idea or do anything.. so i txted him and Min that we cancel the group meeting.. So left me and Nicky in Esquires working on our portfolio

we need to draw the food we plated’s diagram on our portfolio.. and both of us CANT DRAW.. especially me..so i txt Jake to come over to help me draw..at first, i thought he might can draw when i saw him walked to esquires with a drawing book and colour pen.. but~ when i look at the drawing book, i was like “DAMN! YOU CANT DRAW!!” yeah.. his drawing book is his folio.. so not really “draw” but majority inside are writing…But of course, he got “force” to help me finish draw all the diagram.. eventho he keep said he dunno how to draw.. blah blah…and keep teased me that the food is not nice lar.. look like shit lar. so sad.. >_< but,to tell the true, jake is just such really nice frens.. compare to him.. Jake having nicer personality compare to him.. but the person i like.. is him.

oh yea…yesterday i was pissed about  him not showing up at last minutes… and today.. i was talked about this with may sze.. and suddenly saw him on MSN~ he came to find me for chat.. to be honest, i dunno what should i react.. mad on him? or ignore him? but i know i can ignore him.. i still need some time..

So….he told me that he is not happy.. and he feel want to kill himself..i asked him what happen? and he said he just always being sad.. and everytime he sad.. he feel like want to kill himself.. WTF?! i know! i was just like WTF?! the first thing came in my mind was “why all the guys always depress?” my god bro was the 1st, kean the 2nd, keat 3rd.. and now.. him..but, this guy is worst… >_<

and as i treat others the same.. i try to cheer him up,try to change his mind.. eventho i also in a down mood… after some time.. he changed his topic to talk about me.. he asked me got bf or not? got like any guy or not? of course i didnt tell him the true.. i just said “nah! no one want me” and he said “awwh.. sad… just same as me… so what should we both do then?” i was like “what can we do?” and he said…..”let kill ourself..”

WTF?! is this guy got problem?! just keep saying want to kill himself? and hs just 23-24 years old? he told me he want to restart his life.. he want to change his life.. but duno what to change.. and also dunno how to change.. and he also talked about his love problem.. yeah.. i know.. a guy that i like.. sharing his love problem with me.. you know what is my feeling?! and i still have to be nice, and cheer him up.. and teach him how to confess with that gal.. 

he told me that he like a gal.. and his frn like this gal as well..so, he told me that he decide to let his fren have this chance.. and he will be stand behind..and.. i actually keep ask him to be brave and let the gal to know he like her as well.. and i also told him that is not fair that  he decide for the gal.. when the gal should get the chance to choose who she want.

i  knew that i was abit excited? i think is because what happened between my first ex and me.. i decide to give my chance to my fren to being in relationship with my ex.. when both of us were already in relationship… my 1st ex rejected the gal.. and my fren hate me.. so, in the same time.. i lost two ppl in the same time coz i didnt even let my 1st ex to decide what he want.. eventho we were got chance to get back to each other.. but we just didnt.. so.. may be because of this, i keep telling him..he will regret if the gal is like him..if he didnt let the gal to choose for herself..

he also admit that he was a play boy before.. hmm… this also one of the things i heard from his best fren before.. that why, i never believe on whatever he said before.. i mean.. i never believe guy.. even when his best fren told me this, i also didnt believe.. till just now.. he admit.. and i believe.. AND~ if he was play boy.. doesnt mean he is not one now.. rite? play boy, even hard to let me trust on. so.. what should i do now? nothing that i could do rite? except.. forget about him………………